Transcendence

Creative Corner => Fanfiction => Topic started by: Jess on May 10, 2013, 01:54

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Title: A Poem
Post by: Jess on May 10, 2013, 01:54
This is a poem that I wrote yesterday in my free time. Tell me what you think.

“My World”
Everybody’s world is different,
That is what makes us unique.
My world is different than what it used to be,
My world use to look like something that came out of a fairytale.
There was a big green grass hill with a castle at the top.
There was a small town around the castle,
There were wild horses,
And wild flowers everywhere.
At the top chamber of the castle you could see the ocean,
And the beautiful sunrises and sunsets.
Oh my world was so beautiful and perfect to me.

My world does not look like this anymore.
A horrible thing happen to my world,
A War,
A terrible surprising war,
And my world did not have enough time to plan a way to protect itself.
So, my world looks a lot different now,
The hill is just dirt now,
The grass is all gone,
And the wild flowers too.
What horses that did not die ran away,
And so did the people.
There is no town anymore,
Just a big pile of burned up wood in its place.
The castle is destroy all of it,
Expect for the bottom floor,
And has the smoke and clouds clear,
I realize that I am the only one left.

I am the only one that is going to put this place back the way it was,
Down to every last brick, flower, horse, and person.
As I make up my mind it gets really quiet,
The wind blows,
And the sun starts to come out,
Then I hear footsteps coming towards me.
Someone else is here,
And as they come closer,
I know that they are going to help me build my world back to the way it was before the war.
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Angel~ on May 10, 2013, 03:14
It is very beautiful, you can really feel it, if I can describe it that way..
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Aurelia on May 10, 2013, 12:36
Wow, so talented.... :o_o:
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Jess on May 10, 2013, 20:37
Thank you that means so much to me b/c I get alot of negative things said about my writtings.
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Angel~ on May 11, 2013, 10:45
I don't see why though...  ???
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Jess on May 11, 2013, 19:06
I live in a small town, so if you have a gift you are a freak and they wonder why we don't have any famous people from this town.
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Angel~ on May 12, 2013, 12:52
Ah, so talent is killed as soon as it buds... Terrible town...  :swt:
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Jess on May 12, 2013, 17:58
Yep I think that Chris Daughtry is the smartest people out of all of us b/c he find a way to use his talent
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Angel~ on May 13, 2013, 09:24
That's amazing... But you also find a way to show your talent, right here with us :)
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Jess on May 13, 2013, 13:23
That is nice to know b/c Im tired of people saying bad things about my poems and short stories.
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Aurelia on May 13, 2013, 16:56
I think it's great that you share your stuff with us, Jess! There will always be people who don't like your work, but I'm glad you keep on persevering and doing what you love!  :love:
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Jess on May 13, 2013, 19:26
Thanks! I try my best and I hope to get better at what I love to do
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Pau on May 14, 2013, 00:23
that's what it means to have a life in this world...Ganbatte Jess *h3r0
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Jess on May 14, 2013, 00:28
Thanks Pau
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Pau on May 14, 2013, 02:04
your welcome  :goodjob:
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Jess on May 14, 2013, 02:10
:)
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Vauxhall on May 14, 2013, 07:50
Good job. Full of emotion and lots of vivid imagery.
Might I suggest a proofread though? (There are just some small things that need attention.)
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Jess on May 14, 2013, 16:53
I know Vaux I just cannot proofread my own writting b/c I cannot catch them
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Vauxhall on May 15, 2013, 00:57
I know that, I suffer from the same thing but I was implying the fact that you could ask a trusted friend to read over your work also. :]
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Jess on May 15, 2013, 01:13
That is true but the sad thing about that is a true y'all more than the people I grow up with or the people in my town
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Pau on May 15, 2013, 04:53
If you ever need help. We'll always be here you know  :goodjob: *h3r0
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Vauxhall on May 15, 2013, 07:15
Pau's right. We are your internet family, after all. *creepy face*
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Jess on May 15, 2013, 15:43
Thanks! Rhat is true y'all are my internet family and I trust all of you guys very much!
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Pau on May 16, 2013, 02:09
aawwww~ :o_o:

sister!!!! *skip
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Jess on May 16, 2013, 02:12
:)  :love:
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Aurelia on May 16, 2013, 13:32
I really do consider this group a family. All the members are so close! And we have been through a lot, but we stuck together! Thats the beauty of this group, we leave no one behind! (Or so I'd like to believe, thats why I fell in love with this group!) :love:
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Jess on May 16, 2013, 21:08
You know what Lia, I havent been here for very long but I feel the same way :)
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Pau on May 17, 2013, 03:37
everyone agrees  :goodjob:
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Jess on May 17, 2013, 22:00
:)
 :love:
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Aurelia on May 18, 2013, 20:46
I'm glad~!  :goodjob:
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Jess on May 19, 2013, 23:48
:)
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Angel~ on May 22, 2013, 16:41
Big family hug!!!
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Jess on May 22, 2013, 21:48
AWW :)
Title: Re: A Poem
Post by: Angel~ on May 24, 2013, 18:33
 :o_o:
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