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Offline Jess

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Preface
« on: December 19, 2013, 02:05 »
Here is the preface of my book that I am working on tell me what you think and if they is any grammar mistakes.

“Alexandra”

Preface
   We live our lives’ not knowing our destiny or our meaning in life until Fate decided to make a visit to us. Fate always shows us what is meant to be or what is going to happen. Sometimes we can change things, because the future is always changing never set in stone. But the past is different, we are not suppose to drag up the past or steadily talk about it. People say we should not live in the past, but we should learn from our past mistakes. What if we can learn from all the mistakes that we have ever done? I mean what if we could see, feel, live, learn from our past lives. We all are supposedly lived many life times, being reincarnated time and time again. Many people do not believe in this, I did not believe in this until a few months ago. I have been through a lot of things these last couple of months to make me believe in reincarnation. I was a blonde hair and blue-green eyes normal teen in a small town and then I fell asleep and my whole world and life was turned upside down.
~Jess~
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~The Blobstowl and her guardian feather~
~The Blobstowl and her wings~ <3

Offline Angel~

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Re: Preface
« Reply #1 on: December 19, 2013, 10:05 »
Here is the preface of my book that I am working on tell me what you think and if they is any grammar mistakes.

“Alexandra”

Preface
   We live our lives without knowing our destiny or our meaning in life until Fate decided to visit us. Fate always shows us what is meant to be or what is going to happen. Sometimes we can change things, because the future is  ever-changing, never set in stone. But the past is different, we are not supposed to drag up the past or steadily talk about it. People say we should not live in the past, but we should learn from our past mistakes. What if we can learn from all the mistakes that we have ever made? I mean, what if we could see, feel, live and learn from our past lives? We have all supposedly lived many lifetimes, being reincarnated time and again. Many people do not believe in this, I did not either until a few months ago. I have been through a lot of things these last couple of months to make me believe in reincarnation. I was a blonde haired and blue-green eyed normal teen in a small town. Then I fell asleep and my whole world and life were turned upside down.

I changed it in the quote, just take a look and see if you can recognize your little mistakes. I might have missed some things stylistically, but I believe all the grammar mistakes are gone now.

thanks to Shineshan <3


Offline Jess

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Re: Preface
« Reply #2 on: December 19, 2013, 22:08 »
Thanks Angel, I am working on chapter 1 now
~Jess~
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~The Blobstowl and her guardian feather~
~The Blobstowl and her wings~ <3

Offline Vauxhall

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Re: Preface
« Reply #3 on: December 19, 2013, 23:32 »
Don't mind me, but here are a few things from a QCer...
Feel free to ignore.

- "We live our lives without knowing our destiny or our meaning in life until Fate decided to visit us." >> "We live our lives without knowing our purpose in life until Fate decides to visit us."
- "we are not supposed to drag up the past or steadily talk about it." >> Maybe "constantly" instead of "steadily"? I have no idea.
- "I was a blonde-haired and blue-green eyed normal teen in a small town." >> I would normally put a hyphen between the eye colour and "eyed" but eh. xD Too many hyphens. (I added the hyphen after "blonde".)
- "Then I fell asleep and my whole world was flipped upside down." >> Reword? :P Short and sweet sentences can deliver a powerful impact, especially at the end of a paragraph.

:goodjob:
Just my personal opinion...
Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure.

Offline Jess

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Re: Preface
« Reply #4 on: December 19, 2013, 23:38 »
why the short and sweet vaux? If I did it that where will teenagers (12-17) understand it?
~Jess~
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~The Blobstowl and her wings~ <3

Offline Vauxhall

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Re: Preface
« Reply #5 on: December 19, 2013, 23:46 »
Oh, no. I didn't mean it like that.
I was just giving a writing tip I was given when I took writing classes. To make a story flow nicely, you mix long sentences together with short sentences so it doesn't seem too... er... idk, bland, right?

With long sentences, things can seem like you're rambling on - but they're super useful when you're describing things or briefly running over a series of events.
Likewise, with short sentences, you can instantly capture the reader's attention or deliver a dramatic impact - especially at the start/end of paragraphs. For example, things like "All was well", "And then the darkness claimed her", "I would rather die", "The world burned but they did not care", etc etc.

Er... Am I making sense? ^^;
« Last Edit: December 19, 2013, 23:50 by Vauxhall »
Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure.

Offline Jess

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Re: Preface
« Reply #6 on: December 19, 2013, 23:55 »
Yea, it makes sense I was just taught a totally different way
~Jess~
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Offline Vauxhall

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Re: Preface
« Reply #7 on: December 19, 2013, 23:56 »
What were you taught? :o
Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure.

Offline Jess

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Re: Preface
« Reply #8 on: December 19, 2013, 23:59 »
the more details the better you are this gets more people to read it
~Jess~
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~The Blobstowl and her guardian feather~
~The Blobstowl and her wings~ <3

Offline Vauxhall

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Re: Preface
« Reply #9 on: December 20, 2013, 00:12 »
Yep, definitely - especially if you're writing a fantasy/supernatural novel. Then again, too much of a good thing can ruin your potential for a plot twist or something. xD

If you're up for a read, here's a helpful article from a great online writer: https://www.fictionpress.com/s/1731210/
Suzy, aka Glitter, is a great writer and friend of mine and she gets hundreds of reviews on her work so I would say... trust her advice, lol. Even if she is a little quirky. :P
Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure.

Offline Jess

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Re: Preface
« Reply #10 on: December 20, 2013, 00:19 »
oh okay I will look at it
~Jess~
~The Blobstowl~
~The Blobstowl and her guardian feather~
~The Blobstowl and her wings~ <3

Offline Jess

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Re: Preface
« Reply #11 on: January 09, 2014, 01:59 »
I need some help. I have attached what I have, so far in my book, but I need some advice. I have never written a book before, so i dont know if it is any good, if it is moving to fast, if it is boring, etc. If all of you could help me out I would appreciate it.

If you find any grammar mistakes or misspelled words, let me know, so I can fix them.

To Vaux, if you are lurking and see this, please give me your best qcing  :bow:
Then I will probably bug you with all my why questions. lol

~Jess~
~The Blobstowl~
~The Blobstowl and her guardian feather~
~The Blobstowl and her wings~ <3

Offline Vauxhall

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Re: Preface
« Reply #12 on: January 09, 2014, 14:17 »
*dramatically poofs in*
Help will always be given to those who seek it. :P

Reading through this, I can't possibly give you a good QC. I'm not an editor for books after all. I can, however, give you these tips.
  • Pay close attention to your use of language. When an author writes, you can always tell what sort of timeline the story is set in by the tone they use, be it modern or historical. I realised you were trying to write in some sort of medieval world when you didn't use contractions for "do not" and such. I can't tell you how to fix it since it's a learned skill but I do suggest that you read more historical books? This site has a particularly good list of online historical/fantasy novels you can read to brush up on your knowledge of the language in that era. (My girlfriend reads from there so it should be good. :P I have faith in her, ahahaha.)
I'm saying the above because a reword of your first paragraph in an historical tone could be:
"I dislike the fact that everyone in this town yells, especially whenever one is seeking another. It is an annoying habit, one that plagues this place, and it is as if we see one another as animals, like mere pets or livestock. Though, I suppose that is what folk from small farming towns do."
I'm not a writer nor am I really an expert but can you see the difference in tone? :) We say the same thing but there are different words and phrases. Historical writing to me is more sophisticated and perhaps a bit more poetic than the norm, and it's definitely harder to write in but it's a nice exercise to stretch your vocabulary.

  • I implore you to check your grammar (and spelling too, though you don't make those mistakes too often). After you write, be it a page or a chapter, always wait until the next day to proofread it. Then take a break from it for a few days, then look over it again. It's a good habit to develop since you're always trying to see your work with fresh eyes. Always put yourself in the reader's position and try to see if they can understand or not.
That said, I think I went overboard with the explanation. One glaring mistake you had me at was:
this “Father’s knows Best” look.
It's: "Fathers know best" or "Father knows best". There is a difference and it's crucial that you can identify them. After all, the little things can make a difference in whether or not you get published.

  • Be mindful about tense. Novels are generally written in past or present tense. For example: "I laid in bed and thought about..." as opposed to "As I lie in bed, I think about...". It's always important to stick to one tense, since the reader can easily get confused. And you don't want that because as soon as the reader gets confused, the sooner they'll lose interest
An example from your chapter:
"I lay in bed after I finish my regular routine as I like to call it."
I would reword this to something like: "After I finished what I liked to call my regular routine, I laid back in bed and thought about the course of my life."

Unfortunately, I'm running low on time and that's all I have for you at the moment. If you would like a more comprehensive review of your work, I'm more than happy to help. Just drop me a PM and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

However, I'm inclined to point out: I won't help you forever. Writing is a journey and it's different for everyone. Sometimes, it's one you take alone. ;) And sometimes, it's one you take step by step with people. I recommend you to use this site.
(click to show/hide)

Good luck. (Y) I hope I made some semblance of sense. I didn't get any sleep. \o/
Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure.

Offline Jess

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Re: Preface
« Reply #13 on: January 09, 2014, 19:15 »
Vaux at the beginning of the story it is like today's time or world, real life, whatever you want to call it, but when the maid knocks on the door that is when the middle ages comes in. Alexandra is a sleep, but she doesn't know that and she want know it until she wakes up. I am saying that, because I am guess I would start a historical language there or should I keep it the same so when she does wake up every ones like "what" "omg" " all that happened and she was asleep the whole time WTH".
~Jess~
~The Blobstowl~
~The Blobstowl and her guardian feather~
~The Blobstowl and her wings~ <3

 

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